On Flying Solo on Thanksgiving

I am stuffed past the food fill line this evening.  My Thanksgiving feast was more than bountiful for the one person it fed and there will be leftovers into next week, to be sure.

Yes, I said one person.  It’s been just me since 1998.  That was the year my mom passed away.  The first two Thanksgivings, I chose to be alone with my grief and memories of Thanksgivings past.  After that, I didn’t have enough money to make the trip to be with any family member until 2009, and after declining invitations for the first two years, no one was invited me after that because they thought I wanted to be alone on the holidays.  Volunteering for various activities on the day didn’t work out well, either, and I’ve been a solo act on the day for the past 17 years.

Don’t feel sorry for me.  It did ultimately become a choice.  I like the whole planning and cooking thing of the day, but my home isn’t exactly company friendly.  I’m not insisting cooking alone, but I have yet to find a friend who’ll either let me have a portion of their kitchen or at least let me do more than bring a side-dish, a dessert or a bottle of wine.  Never ask me to bring wine, by the way – I don’t drink and therefore know little of what’s good and what goes with what.

So, it was just me at the table on this fourth Thursday of November again.  For the very first time, I roasted turkey breast on the grill.  I read up on how to cook it by the indirect heat method and I had moist, smoky and flavorful turkey, carcinogenic aspects of such a method aside.  For the first time, I made dressing in the slow cooker, with enough vegetables in it to be at a 1:1 ratio with the bread.  Mighty good stuff it was, too.  The cranberry sauce was store bought as usual.  I like the smooth jellied sauce that Ocean Spray® does so well.  It’s comfort condiment – sue me.  Finally, the pumpkin pie was also store-bought, but it’s the first time ever.  Last minute decision.  Last time, too.  Aside from the fact that store-bought never has enough spice for my tastes, I’ve rediscovered how much I don’t like pie crust.  I’ve been making the pumpkin filling as a standalone item for years and never missed the crust.  Back to my dessert tradition next year.

Before I sat down, I engaged in another annual tradition – I raised my glass in toast.  I toasted family who had passed away and family still here but far away.  I toasted friends, some also departed, some old and some new.  I then gave thanks for what I have, as bountiful or meager as it may be, and for the fact that I am still here and able to make a contribution to this world, as meager as I might perceive it to be.

I believe that I will once more play planner, chef and hostess to more than myself on this and other days.  For now, though, I will continue as a solo act and try to keep my skills sharp.  I know I’m not the only one eating alone by choice, but I also know that there are many who are alone on this day or far away from home and don’t really chose to be.  These are the ones to open hearts to.  We all forget that sometimes – even me.