For those who read my last entry, you know things are less than perfect in my life. Despite that, however, I have managed a bit of holiday spirit without the use of spirits. The only mood elevators I’ve used are holiday music, decorating and baking – better than any drug.
Even with the best of years, it’s not always easy to maintain the joy of the season that we likely felt as kids. Things were happier, unburdened, and new even when money was tight. Gifts weren’t just the joy of ripping through paper, but the anticipation of what was there just for us and the look on others’ faces for the gifts we chose just for them. We looked forward to meals because they were the best, not to mention the additional sweets along the way, and it was okay to have more than we should. Chores for the day were always before the celebration, not so much after. Ice was for skating on or at least sliding across if you couldn’t stay up on skates. We delighted in snow and the greater the accumulation, the better.
Years later, there’s a sense of been there and done that. The weight of our lives and the troubles of the world sometimes make it hard to to get into the holiday spirit. The world is not as ideal as we might remember and hope it would be. The innocence that we approached the holidays with about gifts, food and the weather have been replaced with the realities associated with them. For some, it’s no presents, no food, and having to deal with the elements firsthand and not by choice because home is far away or nonexistent.
Yet, the holidays come anyway, and like the Grinch, we can’t stop them from coming just because things are bad and we’re not in the mood for them. We can try to sabotage them all we want, even if only in our corner of things, and they’ll still come. It’s a feeling, after all, not just things. It is a sense of joy and hope, love and peace, if only for a few days. So, revel in it while it's here.
As for me, the spirit of the season was a little slow in overtaking me, but it did manage to win the battle. Even though it’s only me without presents or a tree, the lights and decorations are up. There's eggnog (no booze) tonight, and I’ve planned a good repast for tomorrow from which there will be leftovers for days. Finally, I made a small batch of cookies – chocolate chip from scratch and they came out perfect. Santa gets first dibs and I’ll deal with the rest.
To all, no matter who you are, no matter what your beliefs, I wish you happiness and the grandest of days now and in the year ahead.
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
2016 – A Less than Fabulous Year
Well, barring a huge lottery win between now and New Year’s Day, of course.
For those who follow this blog, I’m sure you’ve noticed my lack of chatter. My last post here was in April (the other blog had one post after that). My desire to write has slowly disappeared with, well, a number of things in my life which have taken a downturn this year.
First, the job. Now, it was part-time, but it gave me enough hours to live day-to-day. Summer came and, because it’s a school year-based job, it went dormant at the end of June. I was fortunate to find another job for the summer, and when I came back, my job actually started out with more hours. It also had a change in location. However, the reasons for my being hired in the first place in 2015 had gone the way of the dodo. My job duties became practically nothing even with my asking and scrounging for things to do. I started in September at four days a week, then was dropped to three days a week in October, then to two in November, which is where I am presently. Can’t live on two days of a pay a week unless you’re making CEO type money an hour, which I’m not. Lest you think I let this dwindling of work days go by without looking for another job, oh trust me, I didn’t. I’ve been looking for other work since I was hired. I would have taken either a full-time position or another part-time job that meshed with the one I have (nothing meshes with it, by the way). So far, lots of applications and resumes going out, very few responses to them coming back and interviews at less than a handful. I’ve come to the realization that as an office worker, I have nothing special to add to the mix that might make my resume stand out among the stack. I am ordinary – imagine that.
Then, we come to house and home. Bringing in a salary that allows you to live only day-to-day isn't enough to pay all the expenses of owning a home, including property taxes. My work status of part-time has been chronic (sometimes worse) and certainly not by choice. As a result of being unable to scrape together the money from my paltry wages, my home of 57 years will pass to the county in February and will be auctioned off within 1-2 months unless I can come up with every cent of back taxes owed. In addition, anything I leave behind will be considered abandoned and go to the new owner. I knew this was coming, of course. You can only get behind three years in property taxes before they want their money one way or the other. I thought my neighbor was going to purchase it with an ongoing living arrangement for me. But I suspect he’s now just waiting for the tax sale because I haven’t heard another word about that offer since early spring. I did have a buyer who was interested in it despite its many flaws who was offering a generous six months to vacate, but he backed out earlier this month because he couldn’t swing the entire amount of the back taxes, either. I can’t get a loan because, despite having no other ongoing financial obligations, I am not gainfully employed enough to pay a monthly principle. My state has a MAP, or Mortgage Assistance Program, that does assist with unpaid taxes as well. Problem is, there’s no guarantee that I would have gotten help from them, and you have to have solid plans in place to prevent the problem from happening again. That means being gainfully employed enough to pay the day-to-day and still be able to put money away to pay the taxes when they come due. Yeah, well, if I could have done that before, I would have.
So, here I am with a house full of stuff, multiple decades in the making, to get rid of. I could just take what I want and leave the rest. It might come to that purely out of lack of being able to a) move things and b) store things. Because the deal to sell fell through so late, I have nothing in place for housing and/or storage of stuff. It’s going to be very down to the wire with sorting through, getting out and then resettling.
Then, there are my cats. Yes, folks, those cats I’ve written about in this blog are also in jeopardy. One has major health issues and I will likely have him put to sleep. One has some minor lingering post-trauma health issues who I might be able to find a home for before having to consider anything more drastic. The other two, in relative good health for cats going on 10 years in 2017, are an issue. If I could find a living situation that would take two cats, even one cat, I’d be thrilled. But, they’re not so easy to find. Finding homes for them would also be ideal. After that, it becomes a very emotional decision. I really just wanted to make a home of safety and comfort for all of them until they passed naturally. I don’t plan on having any more animals once these are gone. There are those who are skeptical, but I’ve remained firm on this since the last cat came into my life in 2009 and I don’t plan on backing down on it. After all, what happens to them when I’m gone?
Then, there are car problems. The one that I’m presently driving is not mine. It belongs to the neighbor who had showed interest in purchasing the house earlier this year. He has been incredibly kind in allowing me to use it, but that’s likely going to go away once I’m no longer a neighbor. I would buy it from him, but the title is not transferable. Plus, the car has issues. Some of them I’ve dealt with (brakes, tires, and coolant system times three with yet another minor leak), others (exhaust system) not yet. Now, for a 30-year-old car, it does rather well for itself, but eventually it won’t be and I’ll need to get my own car again. Guess what’s holding up that issue.
Notice a lack of mention of relationships and, of course, help with any of this? Yeah, me too. I know that moving on is actually the best thing for me, but there is no one even offering to lend a hand. No family has offered to assist with the move either physically or financially, and only one friend gave me help when I needed it back in November (thank you, Judy). The rest are either too ill to help, too far away, or have their own problems. Yep, it’s pretty much just me.
Health issues on top of all that, plus sleep issues, anxiety and depression as a result of all that is wrong. No wonder my muse took an extended vacation, with my creativity going in the crapper. I hope it (my muse) eventually comes home, wherever home ends up to be.
Yes, I’ll likely buy a lottery ticket just before the new year starts. There’s no sense in wasting more money than $1. But, despite everything that is wrong in my life, I still have hope, and still believe that this deep hole of despair of a year will not extend too far into the next.
To all who read these words, whether I know you personally, e-personally, or not at all, I wish you Happy Holidays and a happy, prosperous and joyful 2017.
For those who follow this blog, I’m sure you’ve noticed my lack of chatter. My last post here was in April (the other blog had one post after that). My desire to write has slowly disappeared with, well, a number of things in my life which have taken a downturn this year.
First, the job. Now, it was part-time, but it gave me enough hours to live day-to-day. Summer came and, because it’s a school year-based job, it went dormant at the end of June. I was fortunate to find another job for the summer, and when I came back, my job actually started out with more hours. It also had a change in location. However, the reasons for my being hired in the first place in 2015 had gone the way of the dodo. My job duties became practically nothing even with my asking and scrounging for things to do. I started in September at four days a week, then was dropped to three days a week in October, then to two in November, which is where I am presently. Can’t live on two days of a pay a week unless you’re making CEO type money an hour, which I’m not. Lest you think I let this dwindling of work days go by without looking for another job, oh trust me, I didn’t. I’ve been looking for other work since I was hired. I would have taken either a full-time position or another part-time job that meshed with the one I have (nothing meshes with it, by the way). So far, lots of applications and resumes going out, very few responses to them coming back and interviews at less than a handful. I’ve come to the realization that as an office worker, I have nothing special to add to the mix that might make my resume stand out among the stack. I am ordinary – imagine that.
Then, we come to house and home. Bringing in a salary that allows you to live only day-to-day isn't enough to pay all the expenses of owning a home, including property taxes. My work status of part-time has been chronic (sometimes worse) and certainly not by choice. As a result of being unable to scrape together the money from my paltry wages, my home of 57 years will pass to the county in February and will be auctioned off within 1-2 months unless I can come up with every cent of back taxes owed. In addition, anything I leave behind will be considered abandoned and go to the new owner. I knew this was coming, of course. You can only get behind three years in property taxes before they want their money one way or the other. I thought my neighbor was going to purchase it with an ongoing living arrangement for me. But I suspect he’s now just waiting for the tax sale because I haven’t heard another word about that offer since early spring. I did have a buyer who was interested in it despite its many flaws who was offering a generous six months to vacate, but he backed out earlier this month because he couldn’t swing the entire amount of the back taxes, either. I can’t get a loan because, despite having no other ongoing financial obligations, I am not gainfully employed enough to pay a monthly principle. My state has a MAP, or Mortgage Assistance Program, that does assist with unpaid taxes as well. Problem is, there’s no guarantee that I would have gotten help from them, and you have to have solid plans in place to prevent the problem from happening again. That means being gainfully employed enough to pay the day-to-day and still be able to put money away to pay the taxes when they come due. Yeah, well, if I could have done that before, I would have.
So, here I am with a house full of stuff, multiple decades in the making, to get rid of. I could just take what I want and leave the rest. It might come to that purely out of lack of being able to a) move things and b) store things. Because the deal to sell fell through so late, I have nothing in place for housing and/or storage of stuff. It’s going to be very down to the wire with sorting through, getting out and then resettling.
Then, there are my cats. Yes, folks, those cats I’ve written about in this blog are also in jeopardy. One has major health issues and I will likely have him put to sleep. One has some minor lingering post-trauma health issues who I might be able to find a home for before having to consider anything more drastic. The other two, in relative good health for cats going on 10 years in 2017, are an issue. If I could find a living situation that would take two cats, even one cat, I’d be thrilled. But, they’re not so easy to find. Finding homes for them would also be ideal. After that, it becomes a very emotional decision. I really just wanted to make a home of safety and comfort for all of them until they passed naturally. I don’t plan on having any more animals once these are gone. There are those who are skeptical, but I’ve remained firm on this since the last cat came into my life in 2009 and I don’t plan on backing down on it. After all, what happens to them when I’m gone?
Then, there are car problems. The one that I’m presently driving is not mine. It belongs to the neighbor who had showed interest in purchasing the house earlier this year. He has been incredibly kind in allowing me to use it, but that’s likely going to go away once I’m no longer a neighbor. I would buy it from him, but the title is not transferable. Plus, the car has issues. Some of them I’ve dealt with (brakes, tires, and coolant system times three with yet another minor leak), others (exhaust system) not yet. Now, for a 30-year-old car, it does rather well for itself, but eventually it won’t be and I’ll need to get my own car again. Guess what’s holding up that issue.
Notice a lack of mention of relationships and, of course, help with any of this? Yeah, me too. I know that moving on is actually the best thing for me, but there is no one even offering to lend a hand. No family has offered to assist with the move either physically or financially, and only one friend gave me help when I needed it back in November (thank you, Judy). The rest are either too ill to help, too far away, or have their own problems. Yep, it’s pretty much just me.
Health issues on top of all that, plus sleep issues, anxiety and depression as a result of all that is wrong. No wonder my muse took an extended vacation, with my creativity going in the crapper. I hope it (my muse) eventually comes home, wherever home ends up to be.
Yes, I’ll likely buy a lottery ticket just before the new year starts. There’s no sense in wasting more money than $1. But, despite everything that is wrong in my life, I still have hope, and still believe that this deep hole of despair of a year will not extend too far into the next.
To all who read these words, whether I know you personally, e-personally, or not at all, I wish you Happy Holidays and a happy, prosperous and joyful 2017.
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