Happy New Year

Oh, gee, have we reached the new year?  Time flies.

Didn't write the third part of my "Moving Out and On" series, but I'm sure no one minded.  Haven't written anything since September and I'm sure few noticed.

I had a year of abrupt change and adapting to new situations.  Not calling it a bad year, as these changes were required on multiple levels.  But, my muse got tired of waiting as my writing, poetry, etc., took a back seat and the self-inflicted creative stifling (read writer's block) took over. 

But, the dust has pretty much settled on all things new in my life, and  I'm fairly sure things will be getting better here as a result. 

No self-applied pressure to achieve here – no, not much.

Yo, Muse – hit the time-clock.

2016 – A Less than Fabulous Year

Well, barring a huge lottery win between now and New Year’s Day, of course.

For those who follow this blog, I’m sure you’ve noticed my lack of chatter.  My last post here was in April (the other blog had one post after that).  My desire to write has slowly disappeared with, well, a number of things in my life which have taken a downturn this year.

First, the job.  Now, it was part-time, but it gave me enough hours to live day-to-day.  Summer came and, because it’s a school year-based job, it went dormant at the end of June.  I was fortunate to find another job for the summer, and when I came back, my job actually started out with more hours.  It also had a change in location.  However, the reasons for my being hired in the first place in 2015 had gone the way of the dodo.  My job duties became practically nothing even with my asking and scrounging for things to do.  I started in September at four days a week, then was dropped to three days a week in October, then to two in November, which is where I am presently.  Can’t live on two days of a pay a week unless you’re making CEO type money an hour, which I’m not.  Lest you think I let this dwindling of work days go by without looking for another job, oh trust me, I didn’t.  I’ve been looking for other work since I was hired.   I would have taken either a full-time position or another part-time job that meshed with the one I have (nothing meshes with it, by the way).  So far, lots of applications and resumes going out, very few responses to them coming back and interviews at less than a handful.  I’ve come to the realization that as an office worker, I have nothing special to add to the mix that might make my resume stand out among the stack.  I am ordinary – imagine that.

Then, we come to house and home.  Bringing in a salary that allows you to live only day-to-day isn't enough to pay all the expenses of owning a home, including property taxes.  My work status of part-time has been chronic (sometimes worse) and certainly not by choice.  As a result of being unable to scrape together the money from my paltry wages, my home of 57 years will pass to the county in February and will be auctioned off within 1-2 months unless I can come up with every cent of back taxes owed.  In addition, anything I leave behind will be considered abandoned and go to the new owner.  I knew this was coming, of course.  You can only get behind three years in property taxes before they want their money one way or the other.  I thought my neighbor was going to purchase it with an ongoing living arrangement for me.  But I suspect he’s now just waiting for the tax sale because I haven’t heard another word about that offer since early spring.  I did have a buyer who was interested in it despite its many flaws who was offering a generous six months to vacate, but he backed out earlier this month because he couldn’t swing the entire amount of the back taxes, either. I can’t get a loan because, despite having no other ongoing financial obligations, I am not gainfully employed enough to pay a monthly principle.  My state has a MAP, or Mortgage Assistance Program, that does assist with unpaid taxes as well.  Problem is, there’s no guarantee that I would have gotten help from them, and you have to have solid plans in place to prevent the problem from happening again.  That means being gainfully employed enough to pay the day-to-day and still be able to put money away to pay the taxes when they come due.  Yeah, well, if I could have done that before, I would have.

So, here I am with a house full of stuff, multiple decades in the making, to get rid of.  I could just take what I want and leave the rest.  It might come to that purely out of lack of being able to a) move things and b) store things.  Because the deal to sell fell through so late, I have nothing in place for housing and/or storage of stuff.  It’s going to be very down to the wire with sorting through, getting out and then resettling.

Then, there are my cats.  Yes, folks, those cats I’ve written about in this blog are also in jeopardy.  One has major health issues and I will likely have him put to sleep.  One has some minor lingering post-trauma health issues who I might be able to find a home for before having to consider anything more drastic.  The other two, in relative good health for cats going on 10 years in 2017, are an issue.  If I could find a living situation that would take two cats, even one cat, I’d be thrilled.  But, they’re not so easy to find.  Finding homes for them would also be ideal.  After that, it becomes a very emotional decision.  I really just wanted to make a home of safety and comfort for all of them until they passed naturally.  I don’t plan on having any more animals once these are gone.  There are those who are skeptical, but I’ve remained firm on this since the last cat came into my life in 2009 and I don’t plan on backing down on it.  After all, what happens to them when I’m gone?

Then, there are car problems.  The one that I’m presently driving is not mine.  It belongs to the neighbor who had showed interest in purchasing the house earlier this year.  He has been incredibly kind in allowing me to use it, but that’s likely going to go away once I’m no longer a neighbor.  I would buy it from him, but the title is not transferable.  Plus, the car has issues.  Some of them I’ve dealt with (brakes, tires, and coolant system times three with yet another minor leak), others (exhaust system) not yet.  Now, for a 30-year-old car, it does rather well for itself, but eventually it won’t be and I’ll need to get my own car again.  Guess what’s holding up that issue.

Notice a lack of mention of relationships and, of course, help with any of this?  Yeah, me too.  I know that moving on is actually the best thing for me, but there is no one even offering to lend a hand.  No family has offered to assist with the move either physically or financially, and only one friend gave me help when I needed it back in November (thank you, Judy).  The rest are either too ill to help, too far away, or have their own problems.  Yep, it’s pretty much just me.

Health issues on top of all that, plus sleep issues, anxiety and depression as a result of all that is wrong.  No wonder my muse took an extended vacation, with my creativity going in the crapper.  I hope it (my muse) eventually comes home, wherever home ends up to be.

Yes, I’ll likely buy a lottery ticket just before the new year starts.  There’s no sense in wasting more money than $1.  But, despite everything that is wrong in my life, I still have hope, and still believe that this deep hole of despair of a year will not extend too far into the next.

To all who read these words, whether I know you personally, e-personally, or not at all, I wish you Happy Holidays and a happy, prosperous and joyful 2017.

Reinvention

Ah, the birthday blog entry.  Fifty-eight years on the planet and still counting.  This past natal year was a time of abrupt changes, changes not so welcome on their initial impact, but accepted and moved on from nevertheless.  Positive things have grown out of them, albeit  like molasses sometimes.  As I head into this next year, I realize that further changes will be happening.  But whether those changes are by choice or out of my control, they’ll still bring about further positive things in the long run.

Lest you think I’m going to wax poetic about the interesting year between birthdays, I’m not.  This blog entry has to do with reinvention.  It was inspired by a comment someone made that spoke to me of a need to divest themselves from something which, at one point, had been a positive thing, but was now just a part of their work history to be moved on from.  I can relate on more than one level to this, as can many others.  Different jobs, different circumstances, but similar feelings and obstacles.

Sometimes through necessity, we must change what we do and how we do it.  Anybody who started life before 1980 knows how much technology has changed lives and quite a few jobs.  In a number of cases, technology drove some occupations to extinction, leaving businesses to reduce their work force or perish.  Even putting technology aside, the supply and demand for any given job can vary and when supply outweighs demand, those left out in the cold must decide what to do next, adapt to change or live in impoverished obscurity. 

Sometimes, though, the change is more about dissatisfaction with ourselves, with the paths our lives have taken.  Even when there’s nothing wrong financially or success-wise for them, some people have the need, the drive for  change.  These people thrive in reinventing themselves, repurposing their knowledge and skills into new ideas and paths.  Some call them dreamers, others call them visionaries. 

For either group of reinventors, there can be resistance to their change.  People cannot see them beyond how they’ve seen them before, sometimes beyond what they perceive as the perfect niche for them.  But when that niche has become a deep trench that’s no longer required or desired, it’s time to crawl out and move on. 

For those forced out, the encouragement to evolve isn’t always there.  If you’re good at what you do, stay close to it and you’ll be fine, is the philosophy.  That may be true or it may not.  If the job you do is going the way of the dodo, there’s just so long you can continue in a similar position and still be working.  It’s better to learn the new ways or even try something different altogether.

Observers are even more resistant toward those who have a need for job diversity.  Why can’t they just settle down and do one thing, is their lament.  However, asking those who thrive on occupational change-ups to be singularly occupied with one walk of life is like condemning them to purgatory.  Still others only seem to flit from one thing to the next when, in fact, they’re looking for that niche that others want them to be in. 

Those who can’t see any group beyond the roles they played in their lives before are in for a bigger shock than those who reinvent themselves.  The reinventors are adapting, seeing themselves in a whole new light.  Those who don’t understand that and/or won’t help them are the ones standing in the shadows, myopic and needing new glasses.

Life goes on.  People, jobs, locations all come and go.  Opportunities can be missed, disappear and then reappear.  There are times when we might think that, good or bad, it’s all fated to happen.  But, there is no foolproof predicting of which direction we’ll take when fate places a pothole or a pot of gold in front of us.   It’s what we do with those circumstances that makes it interesting and defines who we are.  We are the writers of our own stories and the potential for greatness is only limited by what we write next.  Chose all co-writers wisely, and don’t let negative reviews deter.  There’s no end of paper to write said story, but there’s always going to be a final page. 

Make it good, make it productive, make it fun,  But above all, make it unique.