Monday, July 01, 2013

The Rules of Mowing

I've been faithful in mowing this year.  With the heat, copious rainfall and and muggy weather so far this season, anything less than once a week is asking for a grass disaster, although anything that mows in my yard is lawn.

That being said, I bring you the basic rules of lawn mowing. Enjoy.

If you walk in bare feet across your lawn and you lose sight of just your toes, it's time to mow.

If you walk in regular shoes across your lawn and lose sight of their tops, it's past time to mow.

If you walk in 6" stilettos across your lawn and lose sight of the highest point of the heel, time spent mowing will be equivalent to the same time spent working out at the gym, especially if the lawn is large and/or hilly.

If you walk across your lawn in bare feet or any shoe gear and you lose sight of your calves, brush hog, weed-whacker, sickle, scythe, a tick removal kit and possibly snake anti-venom will be required before mowing.

If you walk across your lawn and it's any higher than any example cited above and you feel like you should be wearing jungle togs and carrying a machete to wander through it to find the golden idol, then it's time to call a professional lawn care service or rent out your property to buffalo herders.

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